Heart's Surrender
by IMSLES
Summary: A young Marine discovers there's someone he cares for more than he dares to admit to himself.  Written for NFA's Eyes Wide Open/Shut and Lima.Oscar.Victor.Echo Challenges.


DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NCIS OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS!

HEART'S SURRENDER

He was going home. The tour had been just as difficult as he'd expected. It didn't excuse his actions or words before he left. He sat realizing he may have ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him.

Shannon was the light of his dark existence. He'd been drawn to her beauty, but it was her fire that warmed his heart. A heart that had laid cold and unbeating inside for too many years. Nothing seemed to matter in his life since he'd lost his mother. She had been his guiding force. She had been the one who knew how to bring out the best in him. Now that was Shannon.

But the Corps, his team of brothers needed him to be at his best. No distractions. No mistakes. He had to have their backs. Or as this tour demanded, to clear the path ahead of them. He'd taken out the dangers that laid in wait leading them to success.

He'd convinced himself that he couldn't have done that with Shannon on his mind. He needed to be strong on his own. Sitting on the plane, being jostled he had to admit it was always her strength he had drawn from, which came from the love he had for her.

He'd been a fool. A bigger fool than his father had ever accused him of being. He craned his neck back leaning his head against the wall of the plane. He doubted she'd let him even try to explain what he really had no explanation for.

The truth was he'd been wrong. He had told her, in his own way that he didn't need her, but he did. She'd left him sitting at the restaurant keeping as brave a face as she could as she walked away. He'd followed her to make sure she'd gotten home safely. The soft shaking of her shoulders the only sign that made him aware she was crying.

At the time he thought that it was better than leading her on or kidding himself that she meant that much to him.

_Nine months earlier…_

"Look Shannon, I'm leaving tomorrow," he had begun.

She had given him one of her encouraging smiles. "I know Gibbs. I also know you can't tell me where you are going or how long you'll be there."

"That's all true, but there's something else," he hesitated, that should've been his clue that he should've kept the rest to himself. But once decided he'd forged ahead, "I'm not sure I'll see you when I get back."

Her smile faltered as the words became clear to her. She bit her lip to hold back the gasp of realization. Gibbs wasn't big on words, so what he said he meant. She couldn't believe after all the years they'd been dating he was going to turn his back on her.

She dropped her napkin on her plate politely and said in a tight, sad voice, "Excuse me." She tucked her purse under her arm and exited the restaurant holding her head high. She made it to the corner before the tears couldn't be held back any more. Part of her wanted to turn around and run back and try to convince him to change his mine. The other part knew he wouldn't listen.

She arrived at her apartment and promptly went to her bedroom. She sat on her bed and let the painful tears fall. As angry as she was she still loved him. She couldn't imagine not loving him. She lied down saying a prayer that he would come home safely.

So now nearing the landing that would bring him back he wanted nothing more than to see her, to tell her he was wrong and to apologize. No words he considered seemed to relay what he was feeling inside.

It was more than having made a mistake. Letting her go, or rather leaving her was like tearing an integral part of his being away. He only hoped he hadn't lost forever the most important person in his life.

Finally able to disembark he didn't look at the reunions around him nor did he search the faces of those there to welcome them home to see the face of the one he sent away. He hitched his duffle on his shoulder and headed straight to Shannon's apartment praying she'd be there and open to his confession.

He knocked on her door holding his breath until she opened the door. For a moment they did nothing but look at one another. He drank in her beauty and all she meant to him silently conveying his love. She had seen him through her peephole, but still she had to convince herself that he was actually physically standing there.

She saw something in his face she'd never seen before. He'd never been able to hide his feelings from her, but what she saw was different. He appeared almost contrite. He was never one to apologize, but if she could read his mind, she'd swear it was his intention.

She held up a hand to prevent him from speaking. He looked defeated, but stood his ground. He wasn't a quitter. He had to tell her what he had come to realize.

"Shannon," he spoke despite her silent signal.

"Jethro," she interrupted, "I'm surprised to see you." Her emotions began to build as she felt the relief that he was home again safely and for whatever reason had come to her. "Come in," she offered quietly unsure what was going to happen.

The invitation was unexpected, but he accepted. He dropped his duffle at the door and stood at ease waiting for her to lead the way. He followed her to the living room. She sat on the couch and he began to pace trying to decide how to begin. He stopped and looked at her.

He approached her taking her hands in his and knelt in front of her. "Please," he looked up into her face hoping she'd believe what he had to say and still care about him enough to forgive him.

She put a finger on his lips to silence him again. Her eyes watered feeling the betrayal he had put her through. The nine months he'd been gone she'd struggled through what she felt for him and trying to put her life in order. Now he was here and she wanted nothing more than to throw her arms around him, kiss him and never let him go. Yet leaving her had been his choice. Maybe not the physical leaving, that was the Corps, but emotionally he'd made it clear she was going to be on her own.

She needed time to think and understand what he really wanted from her, from them both. "Gibbs," she whispered holding her palm against his cheek relishing the feeling that he was there in front of her. For a second she wanted to slap him for hurting her, so she slipped her hand into her lap.

He almost smiled practically reading her mind. He wouldn't have blamed her for taking a whack at him. He'd been cruel and you don't treat the one you love like that. His thoughts stopped, stunned by what he was admitting to himself.

"I love you," he said it aloud and knew he could never change how he felt about her. Bolstered by his admission he continued, "I think I tried to convince myself otherwise. I couldn't be a good Marine and still have the heart to love you."

Shannon let her tears fall. "How do I know you mean it this time? How am I supposed to watch you leave on your next tour and trust you'll be coming back to me?" she asked.

He dropped his head to her knees, his own emotions finding their release. "Shannon, I can't promise I'll always come home. But I can promise, if I do, that I'll be heading straight for you."

She ran her fingers over his short shorn hair feeling where it went from smooth to bristly. Could she open her heart to him again? Had she ever really closed it off?

She lifted his face to look into his eyes. Silently they both searched in each other's eyes to see into their souls. She nodded a slow nod and smiled.

He pulled himself up on his knees and held her, his arms wrapped tightly around her. He vowed to never let her go again, to never hurt her or betray her trust in him again.

All his thoughts jumbled and he found his heart speaking to her, "Marry me, Shannon."

She was stunned. The embrace that almost took her breath away loosened as she shook her head and look bewildered at him. "What did you say?" she swore she must have misunderstood.

Surprised himself, but sure his heart had to be right he said more confidently, "Marry me, Shannon."

"Are you sure?" she narrowed her eyes inspecting him for any injury she may have overlooked. He didn't move as he looked into her eyes intently. She felt her heart beat faster and her mouth ran dry unable to speak. She stared into his eyes reading all the emotions he held there. He was serious, more serious than she'd ever seen him before.

She smiled and slowly he let a smile form on his face to match it. He tilted his head slightly silently asking if she had an answer. Just as silently she replied with a slight nod of her own.

He reacted quickly lifting her at her waist as he stood up and pulling her into a hug. He held her close against him burying his face in her shoulder. All at once everything felt right in his world again. She was the center of his world from which he could go forth and do his duty and return again to her loving embrace.


End file.
